for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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