your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
