You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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