The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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