He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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