go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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