Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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