umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize