I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
PANTIES FOUND
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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