In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
wanna go halves on a baby?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
