his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
