the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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