I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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