Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
