Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i think my cat just said my name.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
