I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
