Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize