The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
