do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
