i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
