Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
