Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Im part way to drunk.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Panties = found
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