Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize