How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
