I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
