Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they're like a gay fantastic four
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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