I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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