My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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