honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize