were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
