it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
