No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
