I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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