Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When are your genitals available?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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