You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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