I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
