Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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