I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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