just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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