There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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