hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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