Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
