Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
