so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
