we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
