dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
