I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
is wine microwaveable?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You are the jesus of drinking
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
