im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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