hotel room ftw
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
