Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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