So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize