this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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