I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize