Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
