i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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