i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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