Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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