She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
