tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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