people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Boobs are out for the taking
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
