In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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