This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
