Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
