Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
