Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
