party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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