Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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