you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
