I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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