Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
