dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
