i don't like sucking hair
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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