With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
