It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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