your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
