We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
