Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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