I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
