drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize