It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
