i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
