I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
