Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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