We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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