Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
