White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
