So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
