i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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