dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were trust falling into bushes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize