im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
