friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
