Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
