so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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