My room smells like vodka and shame
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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