no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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