whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
