I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
