turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
