so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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