then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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