There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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