I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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