I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
