the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
