i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize