so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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