So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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