there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
